it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
