Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
