walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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