Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
