i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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