Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We just shotgunned beers for America
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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