..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize