She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
