Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize