We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
ok first of all what the fuck
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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