There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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