I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
