I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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