you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
