I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
