Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
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