Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
