new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Who died my cat blue again?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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