Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
