we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
