Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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