i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
