i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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