Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
