Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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