so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
