Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Can't talk, ducks in the car
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
