My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you would pick up someone in the library
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
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