That's intense
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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