Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
