Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
