Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
