He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
