I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
