You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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