Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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