I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
