...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
