Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So squirting runs in the family.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
