porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
A bitchslap is in order.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
