So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
