Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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