so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
