the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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