she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
