Your face is a jimmy john
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
