I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
COCAINE IS GR8
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
