We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize