literally had 100 drinks last night.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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