So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
