i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
