you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
