Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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