WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
