I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
