Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
