does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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