Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
