worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Mom said you looked used
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
