I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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