Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
