im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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