Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
