i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize