Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
