yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
