I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
