There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
