babies were throwing up all over the place
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
