Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
