What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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