Where is the hickey?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize