I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
