and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
